A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
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I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
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Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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