I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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