you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
