you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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