All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
