"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
