6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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