he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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