used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
