i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
