not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
