I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize