Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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