i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
