my phone needs a breathalizer
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize