Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
