Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
