Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
