I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
