Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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