You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
