Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
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We left the knife in your bed.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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