i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
