she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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