Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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