so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
