my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
