Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
