I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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