If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What a dumb baby whore.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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