ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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