Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
