Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
