Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
