dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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