I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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