I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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