Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
