I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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