Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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