I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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