every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
