Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
