We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
