the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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