I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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