Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i already hear my dad disowning me
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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