please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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