We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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