Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think i peed on brittanys purse
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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