And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
