K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
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How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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