She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
