im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
