Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
