Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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