I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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