If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
