Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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