it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
