Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
