Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
