am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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