I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
