I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
