Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
