Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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