I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
