I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
