the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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