this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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