if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
