You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
