my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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