The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
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Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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