Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
